So drunk its hurt
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
