I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
