Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
