fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
