I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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