just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
