Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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