yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
