Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
