You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
