So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
