Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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