You're my little dorito
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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