ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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