I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
