Having a random hookup so left but love u
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
