i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
