there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
