Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
