Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
