I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
