walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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