it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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