rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
