i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
