i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
