Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
