I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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