Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Holy shit dude........stairs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
