Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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