i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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