Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
