i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
