These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
