she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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