I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
