Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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