i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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