ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
