i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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