and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
