She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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