that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
