i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
