Got a toothbrush?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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