I can tuck mytits in my pants
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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