im holly from the hills drunk
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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