The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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