Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
