Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
